Trillions of Years

we don’t say much
we don’t say much out loud

instead fill the air
with so much
cryptic blabber

we don’t want to
expose ourselves
or who we
consider ourselves to be
as if somehow our own suffering

is so incredibly unique

and thus we further
become isolated
and bent out of shape…

it is not always wrong to do so

so many people
we feel
can get bent out of shape
trying to understand
what we say
what we’re about

it really makes
being honest
a difficult task—
if you’re afraid
if you’re
not wise
not grown
not adult

and can’t
take

responsibility
for
your
own
actions

then
what choice is there?

one of my own bad habits
is I’ll sit down with company
at my house and play
some music or a movie
without really even bothering
to engage in a conversation

as I right this wrong
I’m always glad for it
and it does feel right

what are we afraid of?

in an earlier dream
we were at a
birthday party for my grandmother
no one, not even myself
brought her a present

lies started to manifest
to ease the pain of it—
how really
do you right a wrong such as that?

and this is really
what grown folk do
those who are truly grown
they watch their words to
check to see if they’re damaging
and search their hearts
for expression in indeterminate territory
and speak on

not probable—
that all of life is suffering
probable—
a lot of life is suffering

end the cycle—
then we’re searching for
the best answer to say things kindly
and to listen kindly
because everyone is in a sense
speaking a different language
based on their own perceptions
so slowing down
to see
what is the what
is
maybe

a

key

my good friend has invited
me to break away
from it all
to go and sit and say nothing
for a ten day period
and write nothing
and listen to nothing
to really look
no one in the eye
which
represents childhood for many
but here
there is a different
force behind it
an adult
standing up
saying
it is time
to sit back down
and say… absolute zero, nada
and risk insanity
and it is not a crackpot idea
or a pipe dream
people have been
sitting in
meditation for extended periods
of time
for trillions of years
it is what you do
after all
when you’re in the womb
(for what seems like
trillions of years)

some talk to god
(there is no way to prove)
some talk to self…
some turn off all the talking
because it all
can just become a little too much
some realize there
really isn’t a self…
which is my train of thought as
of late…

in two months when I
take this little sabatical
I can only imagine
all the chatter flair up
on the mind screen
and pain in
the legs…
I’ll remind myself to breathe
slowly or quickly
as if pregnant in a hospital
blood pouring from
between the legs
lightning shattering the 
world wide web

suddenly the real answer will come—
this is just what
you need to be doing
this will get easier
this will become second nature
everything will get clearer
all the bullshit chatter
will eventually wind itself down
and the natural peace
that is already there inside you
will make itself known to you
because you waited

because you waited

because you     waited

because     you     waited     for        it

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