did I forget to mention that the owl, since the hurricane, flew the fuck away? how does a fake owl fly away anyway? does he look dumb, get made fun of by other owls that flap flap and soar? I bet if he hit them they wouldn’t be laughing then. maybe he was brought in beforehand, put in a drawer, sleeps forgotten. forsaken. maybe he’s in a better place. all I know is, we had some good moments.
so there have been more Friday layoffs at my job. I was called into the office and axed—”due to the economy.” still in this state of shock, I roll on out the door, roll with the punches, go back into town, let things stew, then go hang out with a friend who talks a good storm up while I sit mostly quiet with my Halloween listening skills. it’s good to get all that out. I help him organize. I grow even quieter. that bullshit job is still in my head, all the crazy people. how great it will be not to see them any more, those hacks that passed as managers. wow… and now the hunt for money does kick in.
return to hard work
last day of week
dude I work with
but now there is
more to do
we must pick up pace
keep a straight face
even emotional junk out
calm as a bomb
the workers have rights?
keep yer animals indoors
for the next few nights
the ceiling is falling in
since the hurricane
the one dude brags how
he killed a hundred…
cries that he got jumped
on the corner
a lie is a lie
shooting my voice through
mind is mind
mind gets muddled
where’s your friend
call out for help but when
are you going to help
mind is mind
Big mind is…
clarity is the pot of gold
at rainbow’s end
there’s self struggle
and self work
soon you get
to a beautiful genuine place
has nothing to
do with who you’re dating
Big mind is vast and spacious
your ideas come over here
here, let me buy you a drink
half witted dim faced mediocre dolts crowd all into the first sentence and this building where I work where the days are each equally sound proof for occult rituals bland as really bad fake magic tricks I stare through
don’t forget to sign in it’ll be a hoot
home early for the day. sick. sneeze sneeze. often drinkin’ wine causes wheeze. I dream I’m at a poetry reading. the rest is at least four hours Rudra & Kalika right next to me. a journalist asks RZA about a machine… “yeah I invented that!” things you don’t know. journalist later says something I like, that you will most likely not be the first one to say what you say But you’ll be the first one to say it just how you say it. in my dream the people at the reading all shift outdoors before I start, then come back again and I’m revving up.
exhaustion or exhaustive or product or productive by-product male dominated aggressive lucid cursive
words wordy official office officy jibber jabber hammer hammered looking far into the future
not accurate to say that I’m irritated and leave it just at that. after this weekend I’m feeling tired feeling the need to move slow, slower than slow. when I go out on my lunch break I walk west and keep going a ways turn off into the brush looking for a park knowing this to be fruitless since last time a lady called the cops on me, a suspicious bearded character getting ready to set fire to all the houses. inaccurate or not quite there, this little swath of time, trying. journal entry Terra terrorism post modernism.
more in the mood of Halloween entertainment mode
more myself now than
I’ve ever been
more of this
less of this
oh this is…
FLU SEASON moodisms
the day to note the note today on notice not this not that a frick a frack don’t gimme flack.
this woman tries to run me down with her car on into downtown and shouts at me that she has the right of way and you can guess what I say but I’ll make it easy it’s easily generic to kick out a fuck you which fills me with a little more anger knowing I reduce myself to such child’s play
Houston is losing its innocence
Well not really. The more important story is my friend E. is getting married in a week. Okay, well… so we’re up at the spot and drinking like madmen and madwomen. We’re joking around, me and E. I’m in his face like I’m gonna fight him. This dude, he sees this. He thinks it’s the real deal. In a split second, he pops me in the mouth—really hard. Blood everywhere.
You know we were just joking around, right?
No, I did NOT know. Damn. Dude… I am SO sorry.
Ha ha ha ha. That is me typing ha ha’s like I’m really laughing, you know in real-time. It’s cool man. It was a mistake.
Dude, I’m gonna buy you a drink. What do you want?
Just like a Lone Star is good.
No no what do you really like to drink?
Anything is good, dude.
He comes back with a shot of Patrón.
Alright, I’ll take that!
I get in over my head by going out on a 2am bike ride with 400,000 people or so. Is that an accurate count? Hard to tell. Eyes are all blurry. My arm is cut up from another trip to the pit. Cut up just a little. It is a good ride out, out to… fuck… way past 610, out by Galleria. In over head. I’m trashed and wind up in this parking lot looking at maps on my phone knowing I have to leave sooner or later. These dudes are only going further on out. Plus I feel like throwing up. Winding up at a party in this condition is responsible?
God’s will: I make it home.
a joy of riding the bike into the cityscape on quite a frozen sunset with drums rolling over the backbone you used to have to lay a game of chess soon the obliteration timing you set up the pieces on the board obliged to do so and follow in form or formation needing what? another beer. there there, bear bear. there there now, don’t die. you ask and I answer.
Much needed rest past noon, events from last night topple back in on to brain. On the trek home, run into two friends. It is late night dinner at the restaurant and we’re discussing Buddhism or something and the strangeness that is life-like in Houston, that is music Houston—I’ve not been in too many pits here, do you know? The bands here, mostly mellow, folk, folk/punk, whatever, I’m mostly tired of. Every now and then, to my pleasant surprise, I’m knocked back on my ass by some more greatness toppling back.
First band poppy punk, very tight, very much in control. Next: an emcee comes on, produces a wall of speakers as the backdrop; this is Blackie.
Third band? Who is this? The band supposedly getting ready to go on tour with Nine Inch Nails, none other than? Unsure. But they fucking rock it. This is the first time I’ve ever seen kids stage dive at Notsuoh. Inspiring. I jump off a chair. I’m spinning around. I keep my glasses on. This lady is wringing my left sleeve, not letting go, while with my right hand I’m catching the glasses that have fallen off my face. Right arm, right hand, trying to reapply them. But she won’t let go. She will not. Left arm, twisting out like a ninja. Twisting, twisting some more. And I’m out. And I am proud of her, Houston’s new representative.