surrounding myself in
books and thought and
silence and conversation
I fall into meditative love
and deeper quiet
and look at deeper
pains such as
original pains
wondering exactly
where to go
what will my future
self be like
will I like him
will he be well received?
what by then will
be uprooted if
anything at all?
in Houston silence
white noise falls over
strangely comforting

more of a challenge
than living life
through the span of
mood action and stillness
is to write it down
it is hard meditation
especially if
you share it

we make hard decisions
and sacrifices even
if still we are Americanized
big babies

to break into the expression
of abstract is suddenly
playful and fun and yet
risking being misunderstood

it is asking the reader:
love me, take time
to sit with me as a string
of gnarled words with swamp

asking:
come along
in this process
with me
be violently still
to listen
and then my abstraction
starts meaning
something more

then:
much I don’t understand
myself yet
I’ve become a fan
of myself
I’ve become a fan
of this process

I’ve many styles
of speech on paper
some of which
myself even I forget
so it demands
bigger patience
which is what life
demands

in an interview Ian
of Fugazi
is saying that
the band itself
represents life
which is why
it never gets boring

if your art is going
stale on you
maybe ask yourself:
could it be my life
as a whole
is suffering?

for me my biggest blocks
would occur during a move
or a big transition
and maybe that is inevitable
maybe writers shouldn’t
only see writing through
one single activity
(which is why I enjoy
scrawling on paper, attacking
keyboards, blogging via
touch screens, whatever)
writing first
is all up at the mind
beautiful fluid unexplainable
beautiful to at least try

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