dinosaur replacements

I look at you
the way
the moon
looks at the earth

change is in the air
and putting me in the gutter

car alarms in this lot
are motherfuckers
that’s the word I’m using, sorry
check me out
I am locking my door now
on top of locking my door
I am turning on this
noisy ass shit
to deter criminals
and undesirables (transients) from
interfering with my shit
while I go ten feet away
to the register to
make my coffee purchase
see you in a minute
I’ll be right back with
my keychain and attached remote
to deactive that which is
wounding your ear drum
because god knows
flies and other small insects
and the wind and the rays
of the sun
will be setting the motherfucker off
just the way you like it

splat
hat
fat
cat
rat
pat
blat
rass
cass
tass
blast
past
cast
wast
tast
yast
last
gast
bast
zast
nast
tasty
pasty
basty
rasty
wasty
lasty
hasty
masty
xasty
torrid
horrid
porrage
forrage
baggage
plastic
fastic
rastic
hastic
dastic
drastic
flastic
wastic
disaster
raster
gaster
taster
jaster
faster
jester
bless her
god bless her
she bless god
she say
it’s a dead one
a dead god
she own a goat
she catch the fish
from a boat
sip drink through straw
she give you a call
she have sex dream
seductive sedative
sedate so great
perfect mind state
body doll
human let the air out
it’s fresh, it’s flesh
she is blessed
by the hollow words
she learns
to embrace emptiness
he goes out
looking for a fight
we just might
that’s tight
that’s air tight
that’s alright
don’t staircase yourself
don’t stare
don’t dive from plane
or hang stretched
from hooks
don’t be a salesman
or crook
don’t use any more
don’ts in your vocab
they say
can do
can do
it’s their philosophy
all based around
customer service
he chimes in
“we’re interested in
other philosophies too”
he sees a recognizeable character
he keeps his
mouth shut
he checks the time
studioiusly
he is ready
is not ready
not quite
is glued to the screen
welded nailed down
tied down
held up
stuck
says things that
go too far
touches weak areas
uses one wrong word
“you’re out of touch”
not meaning it
but someone else says
“that’s not funny”
“well” he says
“meant not to say that in
seriousness. I’m out of touch.
we’re all out of touch in a way.
I mean, this is the information
society. just because we didn’t
see this thing they just showed
five years ago, it doesn’t mean anything.
there’s just so much out there,
there’s bound to be something
we’re not gonna catch…
starlight itself is old”
they like to
touch
a lot of them have
car keys
they throw them down
whereever they decide to land

he wants to land the plane
do you want him
to land the plane?
are you flying high?
these questions you
must answer
go behind the wall
and answer
fill out the ballot
in your mind
pray to yourself
like you’ve never
prayed to god before
are you ready?
nervous?
I bet you are
you accept gifts
but see them
as gimmicks
you are right to do this

we are dinosaur
replacements

how are we
doing so far?
you want an answer
don’t you?

Lifetimes

Finally my job has hired me, this has been the first week, and I’m no longer a temp. Feels good not to be a temp and in turn be handed all the paperwork listing a pretty generous set of benefits. So we’ll see how it goes, how everything goes. As a unit, we’re pretty stressed – by exhaustion, lack of time. Hardly anything left of ourselves to dedicate to one another or even the most practical chore.

Roaches, in August, grow strong. My initial thought was: “if we don’t get more aggressive, they’ll get more aggressive.” Turns out, these are some aggressive motherfuckers no matter which way you handle it. Boric acid sound like a good idea? Everyone recommends it. They’re pissed now. They haven’t exactly disappeared like we anticipated.

Grandparents and granddaughters pass by.

“He wears his heart on his sleeve”

He is interested in her prettiness, but not the depth of her. That is someone’s middle name, someone’s “don’t even get me started,” someone’s “story of my life.”

Sing the blues
feel the storm
the wall of someone’s house
is airborne

I am stunned silent
in my observation of…
so many things!

everything?

mostly a student
but when
I open my mouth
in some way
I am a teacher
even
as a jokester

(?)

Irony is alive and well. It carries into my sleep, and I dream of taking off from Houston, only to land ten minutes later in another part of Houston. Traffic is fucked up that way. Will my reoccurring nightmares cease, pulling the endless foam from my mouth?

I am rich and poor all at once.

Don’t carry balloons around any more. I remember if my hand slipped, my balloon would be lost to the sky, how devastating that would be. Lifetimes ago.

Friday (August) Notes

Driving around, you’re in the midst of a lot of chaos, anguish, hurry. There’s little peace to be had. On our way back we stopped at a gas station. A homeless man asked me for money, which I didn’t have, even in change, but he broke out in drunken conversation with me anyway, insisting on pumping my gas. Most probably he thought that if he would do this it would persuade me to produce these coins magically. He talked of prison and street violence and snapping men in half. This was probably also to inspire some sort of emotion in me to produce funds. I was sharp enough to see this, but also sharp enough to be ready for a fight, to be quick on my feet, to attack vital areas, if need be. Fortunately, it didn’t come to that. He revealed more drunkenness toward the end, but I wished him well and told him to be safe.

In finishing a conversation, I also like to tell people to “take care.” I mean it sincerely. I really like it – and perhaps I’m just a sap that way – when someone tells me to take care, be well, and so on. Be peaceful. Find peace. I wish only the best to you. If you say that sincerely, and they are feeling sincere or soft or whatever that day, they’ll receieve it in the best way.

Words are powerful.

A young designer was in the other day and asked some of us if we had gone to school for what we do. I joked with him and said mostly not. “School of hard knox,” I said. I could tell this wasn’t really useful to him, he couldn’t relate. By looking at a person you can usually tell if they’ve been through the ringer or not. This guy hadn’t. My message here is that most of everything I do isn’t based on any type of training. A lot of it is self training. And because I’m such a goddamn emotional person, I have to really, really push myself beyond all that in order to concentrate on the technical task at hand. When you’re given a lot to do, you have to start to see it in a matrix kind of way – whatever comes at you, you see as an array of bullets, but those bullets cannot possibly harm you, you in fact scoff at them, you stop them at will, put them on pause, grab a few randomly as they hover in frozen suspension, marveling at them. The rest fall to the floor. In such a place, you have to build up that sort of confidence in your self and your ability. You have to develop your own survival skill, your own strategy. You seek out better ways of doing things, discover new keyboard shortcuts to add to memory. In sharing some of these discoveries with others, sometimes you see how they take this with a grain of salt. And you see how these people suffer for that later. You wind up having to pick up a job they mangled, and fixing it for them after they’re clocked out and long gone. Then again, it’s all so much. There’s little peace to be had and we’re just doing what we can.

. . .

Spoken word is amazing to me. I’ve reached a point where I’m hardly nervous to be on stage. More than anything, I’m amped, impatient to get up there and let it all fly. I’m hungry. More and more I feel like I need it. Damn, it’s a good feeling. Being such a shy person, never thought this would come to pass…

More later.