Somehow, Satan Got Behind Me

The local Satanists did not so much appreciate my halloween storytelling tonight. Wasn’t into it myself—my head was going blank and the particular anecdotes were probably a little too personal for these youngins to get into. So I was kicking myself for having wasted my breath.

This particular poetry reading works in rounds. By the third, I got up without a sheet of paper to read from or anything to recite from memory but with the intention of telling some more childhood stories in the vein of October and Halloween. Man, did this ever go straight into the ground. The crowd was dead, I was dead, the muse—I don’t know what the muse was up to; maybe he was checking out books at the library, or hanging out somewhere up the street (somewhere far up the street). I then started asking this small group if they were into Halloween and if they’d like to come up and tell their own ghost stories. This was all the nod Satan’s two little performance artists needed.

This one guy was one of the most pretentious kids I’ve ever met. He wanted me to close my eyes, almost as if he would mediate a sort of guided meditation, and show both the audience and myself “the true meaning of horror.” And what a bunch of hot air! We were all deathly sick with boredom in the first thirty seconds.

“You wanna know true horror, look inside yourself!”

“Halloween is the night of the spirits!”

On the topic of spirits: he asked if when I was a kid, did I have a dog that died, or a puppy, or a cat, a kitten… Boy did this ever strike a chord! I was already quite annoyed with his shit, but this took the cake. So I decided to throw in a small wrench.

No, I’ve never had a single pet in all my life; I was close to no one; the only person I was ever close to, if you must know, was my refrigerator. And it up and died on me.

This made them have to tell the rest of their “goth wisdom” based around an imaginary refrigerator. Now that was classic.

“When you feel there is a spirit near, it just might be your refrigerator! You must respect the spirits!”

By the time I opened my eyes, about two people were left standing. What a great time to take a bathroom break—to walk all the way through the park, on past the fountain, cross the street to the coffee shop, use the facilities there, grab a beverage, make small talk with an acquaintance, sit down for a bit, and then come back.

Stay tuned for what is in store for next week…

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