journal entries

Monday evening – random act
dinner in the bakery tonight. that tempeh sandwich is amazing. waiter comes over and says: “your bill has been taken care of.”
“what? what do you mean?”
“someone payed for your meal?”
in shock, I asked, “who?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know them.”
I looked around and no one was looking in my direction. I put a tip down on the table and left with a huge smile on my face. this has made my whole day; if only I could find and thank this person.

. . .

Tuesday
strangely enough, co-workers have been a little friendlier — more so than usual. and things are quieter, less stressful. casey’s to come home from Boston tonight. Matthew and I are talking about my new book project. I really like the quality of stuff he’s publishing these days. he’s picking out pieces from LJ entries to be published on paper, and new things will be thrown in. anyone else is welcome to pick a few favorite selections from my writing on here, if they have any.

. . .

Wednesday
night at the coffee shop. they’re having a country ho-down in here. while Casey is loving this, I’m under the impression that she thinks I’m in absolute misery. but I’m doing alright. it’s not my first choice of music, but I give a nod to these people. I’m glad it’s going on. almost any music brings life in, and Roanoke needs a whole lot of that.

. . .

Thursday
rains in the evening. disappointed to find no one even there at the poetry reading. after a few minutes of sitting in the coffee shop, reading Transmet, the two of us are antsy and wanna take off. the guy at Swagat lets us have our samosas on the house.

job interview tomorrow. the excitement, just thinking about how I could be out of here and never seeing these people again, has pumped a strange adrenalin in me, causing me to act like a complete fool.

upset that I’m drowsy in the evening all the time. long days of work take a lot out of me, postponing my own projects. I realize it’s an excuse. but it’s a solid one — one for which I will have to find a cure.

we had a nice talk with our new neighbor about our travels, tours, going to India, how I got involved with KC, politics, etc. the more I explain my KC involvement, the more I’m able to fine tune in my mind the ups and downs of those days, the reasons for coming and the reasons for splitting. I spoke about patented responses you’d give to a person as way of explaining off accusations towards sexist statements found in the scriptures. you realize, “hey, maybe I am brainwashed. why am I defending this?” you’re not brainwashed to the degree that you’re squirrelly in the head, necessarily, but there is some indoctrination going on at perhaps a deeper level that is more serious, detrimental…

. . .

Friday
I’m going to
a party
one where
I get
to be
by myself
let the games begin
get away from
people
and clear
some cobwebs
the news rambles on
about R. passing away
my news is
I’ve already
chucked
each and every
president off a cliff
in my head
but the world
and its movie stars
still want to
go to funerals
and kiss ass anyway
you’ll find Mr. R.
at the bottom of
the canyon where
Wile E. Coyote fell
outwitted by
Road Runner (RR)
Ragged Robin?

come out with
guns blazin’
I saw you
on the Mississippi River
having a
good ol’ time
why’d you
even come back?

utopias turn out
not to be so grand
once you
start waking up
to things
and new
utopias are
sprouting

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