lunchtime notes

these are the rough days because because. so many interruptions, I can’t see straight, or write straight. does that mean that I am seeing gay and writing gay? a homophobe’s nightmare is gay men raining from the sky. I’m not phased by whoever rains from the sky.

okay, here I am back again, after another interruption. I keep losing my patience. yeah, I should have written this down to start out with but, you know, the gay thing.

what was I thinking?

these are uneasy days. health is toying with me. time tears the fabric. I should have a lock on my door. I should go out to the hardware store, pick one up, and bust out the drill and start making some serious noise so that everyone’s keyboards and monitors are moving in quakes across their desks. this is for you, you bastards. I’m cranky about this. if you know I’m at lunch, this means I am in-visible. you are not paying me during lunch. don’t come to even to chit chat. I liked what this one kid said: “if it’s not work related, don’t speak to me.” this is a good laying down of groundwork.

but I have to put all this in perspective and be thankful I have a job. which leads me to the topic that we are codependent. there was a funny quote that americans are 98% codependent. if the percentage is that high, might as well divide up that pie chart a little more, youngin’. I mean, investigate the different types of codependents, emotionally, physically, etc.

poem-dependent
fiend for
pad and pen
I know what
you’re sayin’

I can’t think right now, but you see I’m writing anyway. there’s an idea that “don’t do it unless you know for sure.” I don’t think I’d get off the ground at all like that, but I understand… you do have to be aware of the risks. it’s just that I’d be grounded. I’m not that all seeing knower so I have to go slower but not so slow as to not go at all.

jumping for joy
jumping on the trampoline
spell check jumping on a word
first chance it can get
as a service it doesn’t
charge money for

door creaking like the wind
imaging flaking off the poly plates for some reason unknown
he writes of Kafka’s first sentences starting out in novels
full of life
this should be full of life like that
that’s why this is coming at you from all angles
and you can’t put a label on it
and if you do, the wind comes along and blows it off
so you can say whatever but if there’s
no good heart in it
it doesn’t go beyond that

what was I thinking? daily affirm that life has to be taken under a fine toothed comb. that you have to learn patience and there are plenty of opportunities to test out what you’ve learned. and I’ve been blinking while thinking these good fortunes. when the mind is blank and you can’t think what to write, maybe try trying out lists.

a list can’t miss
only tell what is happening down
at the gas station

a three line stanza
you could say
to fill your time and get you through your day

and old memory, like when I was in Roy Rogers as a small small. how I would ride my bike all over the area when I got older and was allowed to go further out discovering other neighborhoods.

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