asthma season?

a new asthma session for the first time in a long time. what it means is the time is forced on me – I can read, write, whatever, but I must be awake. as I dream, suddenly I become aware of the fact that my lungs are wheezing. this reality enters the plot of the dream and the next thing I know, I’m sitting on the roof of a school building, explaining to a young boy what it means to be short of breath. but I look on it as some time is being given back to me (knowing good and well a trip to the doctor is not far away).

the seasons have changed over night. I have cynically watched this happen. I simply cannot stomach weather like this. winter is no good for me. fall is winter’s little brother.

good television starts up this time of year. my idea is that television used to be terrible. to me, it started to get good when The X-Files came out. then Millennium, Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Sopranos, Six Feet Under, Oz, ER, The Practice, etc., hit the scene. a steady diet of these shows and staying away from most of everything else, muting the commercials, I think, can be an okay thing. so my views of television have changed. doesn’t mean I’m less militant, whatever that means. well, I think those days are long gone. bring on open minded days for growing a full garden!

been reading Beau Sia’s journal for the past couple of weeks. one of the things I gleam from it is his consistency of writing public enties every day, in a style very down to earth. he just lets it fly, and nevermind fearing someone won’t follow. as readers, we generally appreciate seeing new words there. log in, and oh, a Thursday entry is upon us.

of late: school. this is a strange beast. aside from working, I’ve returned to school after ten years. it’s only one class, fundamentals of design, but I’ve signed on for the whole deal: communications of design. I hear the teachers are tough on you because they want to prepare you for the real world out there, the graphics industry. I’ve been in that school. they will eat you for breakfast. I’ve been eaten for breakfast. they didn’t realize I’m lead. I have emerged from the intestines of the industry and live on. many dreams these days where I’m back in high school, skipping classes, having to interact with people, so much “norm” to fight against. this dead end town has brought that back to me, what it is like to be in school. my first job here was a good slap to the face with that, working with young, bright-eyed kids, ready to be had for breakfast, but never seen again.

as far as anarchy goes, a big reason why it can’t be a reality is, we don’t teach it to our kids. we don’t prepare them. it could be such a positive thing. not chaotic, but organized. organized on a level of the people taking the power into their own hands. but no. we are pussy whipped something terrible into thinking we actually need a government and big business. I need tea this morning to open my lungs back up so I can breathe.

I’m pondering web design and starting back up my own web site again. that’s what it was all about back in the day. now there is livejournal and blogger, making it easier for people. we think, why bother? this personal website thing can be consuming. the other day I wrote a list of all the responsibilities I have: wife, school, work, homework assignments/projects, maintaining the apartment, writing, poetry readings, friends, movies, TV, meditation, reading… is it that a person’s fiber is made up of their responsibilities. meditation on these things. I suppose I could be busier. I wouldn’t have it. I could use 10-15 hours more free time. what to do?

of late: work, entering a new season. I started with this company in February and have watched it grow in zig zag patterns, raised Spock eyebrow. whole days are spent with me going, “WTF was that?” people can be strange without any art in their lives. I could write a book… I’m waiting for my head to clear up first.

as for poems
they
are easy
come easy go
easy
to read
to hold onto

tea sipper
nose blower
asthma container
body/shell

there is a mist realm
unfulfilled
because
it does not
land well on rock

promote
working
with
what you got

shine
try to do good
things
not be
irritable
not be
preachy

do a lot of listening
with compassion
see how
others are suffering
meditate on this
with calm

I close this out with a hunger in my stomach.
maybe I will have the graphics industry for breakfast.

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