I just choose the best time for this, late at night when I can barely hold my head up, or think clearly enough to write a word, when not alone, but with casey in the room with the cat complaining because she can’t get her reading in – he thinks the edge of her book feels the best to ram his head against. so I work against the solution and a mighty hunger in the stomach. the odds are against me, so I fight against time. we have that common bond. time is going to take away our very breath. it is just a matter of how much life we have left, how much awake time we have left (though I’m awake in a different way while asleep). eyes water and the heat kicks in through the vent from time to time because it is getting colder and nothing like August. this is something new for the year, that what follows is something cooler, something tragic, and the returning anticipation of October and everything related to Halloween.
I half watched Saturday Night Live this evening. they are having a hard time getting back on their feet, and it shows. at the end of Weekend Update you could tell Tina Fey started to cry. they were flashing a relief number on the screen for the Twin Towers. it is interesting how comedy is mashed down because reality hits you in the face and there’s nothing to laugh about. much of their living is made making fun of people, and this just doesn’t seem like this is the time to do it. so it seemed kind of pathetic tonight, as do most premieres for this show. will it have to alter its format? or is it a temporary setback? will I have to get serious, get more serious, stop my joking, increase my joking, or… I think there is a reality and we’re off doing our own thing. can people talk with one another now, after all this?
I tried to explain to my wife how walking down the street, while something dangerous might occur, it is not the same as going to a protest and getting beaten down by the police. a friend says he carries weapons so to protect his hands. hands are the livelihood.
I pray from the pocket, think from the mind, step careful on the street where killer cars are all about. even at night I jump up sometimes startled at a noise. you’ve gotta be willing to fight if the moment is pressing you for it. you’ve gotta balance and not want a fight in normal circumstances though. warmongers all about. MP on the corners downtown. mysterious citizens among us planning some dread on our flags, getting truck licenses, plotting chemical warfare, half religious, half partying it up in bars on last nights. they are prepared to die. I am prepared to live through this.